"I Do" is more about the heart than the law

Last week I wrote about my impending trip to Hollywood, complete with reflections on the road not taken.  This week, my suitcase is unpacked, my photos have been uploaded and the trip is but a sweet memory.

The purpose of the trip was to attend my friend Paul’s wedding.  I confess, I don’t go to weddings much anymore.  Most of my contemporaries have already married for the first, if not second, time.  I don’t know if its true about old dogs and new tricks, but it was heartening for me to see my friend find true love and commitment as he approaches the cusp of 50.

This was especially poignant because Paul was my first real college boyfriend.  Caught up in the heady excitement of my freshman year, I met Paul at just the right time.  We shared a love of movies and Journey music.  We annoyed our respective roommates because we were constantly together.  Christmas break felt like an eternity, but I still keep the letters and cards he sent to me while we were apart.  We made plans for the future, as only immature, 19-year-olds can do.  His was the first marriage proposal I ever received.  And though it was prefaced by the phrase, “…if we still feel this way about each other when we graduate from college…” it holds a special place in my memory still.

Alas, a future together was just not meant to be.  We broke up just before summer vacation and, though we stayed friends, we never resumed our romantic relationship.  We’ve remained in touch over the years, even when Paul relocated to the West Coast.  Now whenever we see each other, whether it’s in Los Angeles or when he returns to the Boston area for vacation, we pick up right where we left off, catching up on our families, our lives and the movies we’ve seen.  I’m happy to say that our musical tastes have evolved beyond Journey.

Some women might have a hard time watching a beloved ex-boyfriend marry someone else.  I sat in the church pew and watched the ceremony with tears in my eyes, but they were tears of happiness that my dear friend had finally found someone who makes him happy; someone who compliments him; someone who, in the words of Jerry Maguire, “completes” him.  And that person’s name is Matt.

I’ve used the word “wedding”, but to be completely accurate, it was a commitment ceremony I attended, because the state of California doesn’t recognize same-sex unions as legal.  It amazes me that New England is more progressive on this issue than California.  I can’t imagine how these two friends, who have been together in a monogamous relationship for ten years, could possibly threaten the institution of marriage.  I don’t believe if their commitment to each other were legal, that people would suddenly start marrying their dogs or their shrubbery or their mailboxes.  When I see them together I see a couple that loves and respects and supports each other, in good times and in bad.  When Paul’s mother fell ill last month, both he and Matt put their jobs and their wedding plans on hold, returning home to New Hampshire to stay by her bedside until she ultimately passed.  And when the two pledged to spend their lives together last weekend in the presence of friends and family, the love, admiration and respect they felt for each other enveloped everyone in the church.

I know there are many who won’t share my opinion on this subject, which is their prerogative.  Personally, in an age where half of all traditional marriages end in divorce, I think it’s selfish to try to prevent anyone from legally spending their lives together.  How many of us have been to weddings where we knew the bride and groom weren’t going to make it?  I think if anyone threatens the sanctity of marriage, it’s people like Kim Kardashian, who marry only for fame, money and ratings.  If I had to bet on anyone going the distance, I’d put my money on Paul and Matt. 

Good luck, old friend.  I wish you both many years of love and happiness.  May you always be there for each other, and may others recognize the love you share and afford it the respect it deserves.