For Parents, a High School "How-To"

Just last week I was writing a column about getting your child ready for his first year of middle school.  I included some helpful tips passed down to me from other middle school mothers, such as abandoning tighty-whities in favor of boxer shorts, especially on days that include Phys. Ed. 

Oh wait.  That wasn’t last week.  That was four years ago.  It just felt like last week.

And now here I am, writing about preparing your child for his first day of high school.  Of course, it’s not my child that needs the preparation.  It’s me.  But I’m lucky to have several friends who have already blazed this trail, so I’m happy to share these helpful hints and tips to other high school “newbie” parents, like myself.

The first words of advice were under no circumstances should I embarrass my child on school property.  So apparently I can’t drop him off or pick him up in my pajamas.  I can’t yell his name across the parking lot when I pick him up.  Honking the horn is probably forbidden as well.  This summer I was picking up my son from a captain’s practice for soccer.  I was listening to that earworm song “Call Me Maybe” on my way to the school, but as I got closer to the field I turned the radio down so I wouldn’t embarrass my son.  At which point I drove my car straight into a curb.  Every kid at the field turned to look at me.  As my son walked to the car, shoulders slumped, I rolled down the window and asked if anyone else needed a ride.  No takers.  Classes haven’t even started yet and already I’m embarrassing my son on school property.

Another tip: Hugs and kisses when getting out of the car anywhere near school are forbidden.  This is a no brainer for me.  Though I’m pretty free with hugs and kisses, I can restrain myself from lavishing them on my high school son, as long as I can still dispense them freely to my sixth grader.  As of last year, my 11-year old was still waving to me from the school bus window, so that will have to suffice for public displays of affection.

Get used to driving.  A lot.  A few weeks ago it occurred to me that my older son would never take the bus again.  Since our school system doesn’t offer bussing for high school students (ridiculous, I know), it will be my job to get him to and from school each day.  Thankfully, I work from home, so I’m able to carpool with my neighbor, who works full time but is able to do the morning drop off.  At freshman orientation last week, I sat in a line of traffic, waiting to pick up my son and his friend.  As my car crawled forward, inches at a time, I realized that this is how I’ll spend my afternoons for the next seven years.  I just need to figure out how to avoid the curb.

Another tip: Do not drop off lunch money.  Apparently, it’s social suicide to be called down to the office to pick up lunch money or, God forbid, an actual lunch.  Better to starve than to endure the humiliation from a parent who wants to keep their child fed.  Thankfully our town has an online service that allows you to track your child’s lunch account and add funds as needed.  Better make a mental note to check that website daily.  I also think that this is the year that both children can start making their own lunches.  The two things I hate most about mornings is emptying the dishwasher and making lunches.  Let them have a crack at it.  As long as lunch isn’t made up entirely of chips, cookies and soda, they’re good.

The hardest part of sending my child off to high school is letting him find his own way.  In elementary school, parents are asked to be room mothers and chaperones and helpers.  In middle school, the request for parent participation tapers off.  It seems to be pretty much non-existent in high school.  And I guess that’s how it should be.  As my wise friend advises, “We all give our kids basic values and morals, now it's time for them to go and find out who they are and where they fit.“  I’m sure I’m not the only one who finds it hard to take that step back and let them navigate, sometimes painfully, their path to adulthood.   Watching them shift friendships or fail to make a sports team is heartbreaking.  But I know it’s all part of those “life lessons” that everyone has to learn at some point.

I’m pretty sure my freshman will do well and have a great year.  The best thing I can do is step back, encourage him, and offer support when needed.

And mind the curb.