Son's Time Away an Education for All

A common interview question is, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” This week, I caught a glimpse of my future five years from now.

My 14-year old son traveled to New Orleans this week for a service project with my church’s senior high youth group. Including the travel time, the group was gone for a total of ten days. When my son and I discussed the trip several months ago, I imagined that it would be an amazing, eye-opening experience for him. Little did I know that it would also be an awakening for me.

This isn’t the first time my son has been away for more than one night. In sixth grade, his class spent five days at Camp Squanto in Plymouth. Actually, the class left on a Monday morning and returned by early afternoon on Friday, so it wasn’t even really five days. But that was my first taste of having a child away for more than just a one-night sleepover at a friend’s.  I filled in the time by completely redecorating his room, getting rid of old toys and school papers and covering over the childish yellow paint on the walls with a more mature shade of “Yarmouth Blue”. Other parents whose kids had been to Squanto had called it a life-changing experience, but apparently the change didn’t extend to him doing his own laundry or making his own lunch because I’m still doing those things for him today.

Fast forward two years and I found myself fighting back tears as I sent him off on a 1500-mile bus ride to a place I’ve never been myself. Though the chaperones were folks I trust implicitly, I couldn’t help worrying about things like bus accidents or rest area abductions. Unlike Squanto, where the kids were forbidden to use cell phones, this time I was able to stay in contact with my son via text or the occasional phone call. 

Some of the texts I received were funny. On the long bus ride: “How big IS Virginia?” On chores at the hostel: “Had to clean the lavatory.  THE HORROR!  THE HORROR!”  On trying new foods: OMG, Mom, eating Louisiana home-style etoufee.  So amazing!”.   Some texts were a little disconcerting, “Saw a dead roach earlier” and “Saw a lizard almost get shredded by an AC fan”. And the one from the youth group leader: “Taught Xander how to use a power skill saw today…he did awesome…he seems to be having a great time…he is going to come home a changed person.”   Thinking about the power saw, I’m praying that “changed” doesn’t mean any missing fingers.

This week changed me as well. My younger son had ten days of undivided attention, a first for us both. We had a picnic in the park, a day of walking around Boston, and plenty of quality time to just enjoy each other’s company. The absence of an older sibling meant no fighting over the television or the computer, and I found I rarely had to raise my voice the entire week. 

It took a couple of days for me to remember to set only three places at the table, and each morning I automatically glanced into my older son’s room, fully expecting to see the giant lump burrowed under the covers in his bed. By mid-week it hit me:  This is what life will be like in five years, when he’s at college. And five years after that, both kids will be out of the house. This is a thought that’s been creeping around the edges of my mind recently, but I’ve always been able to push it away. This week, the reality hit home.

There are a number of reasons why I am thankful my son had this opportunity: He made new friends and traveled to a place I might never have taken him. He learned new skills and the importance of helping those less fortunate. He took a crucial step in becoming more independent and self-sufficient. And his absence reminded his parents that time is all too fleeting, and that each moment of the next few years should be cherished and appreciated.

That’s my five-year plan, anyway.