Resolution Time Again!

As we bid adieu to 2011 and gear up for 2012, it’s time to get out your pad and pencil and start writing your list of New Year’s resolutions.

I started asking friends about their intended resolutions. One friend declared she would to try to stop swearing in 2012. When I mentioned this to someone else, their immediate reply was, “Why the *bleep* would she do that?” 

Other friends listed the usual resolutions: lose weight, exercise more, save money.

Those are all on my list as well, as they are each year, but I’m wondering whether I’ll have any more success in 2012 than I did in years past. I’d like to think that this is the year I’ll work out daily, lose a bunch of weight, get into the greatest shape of my life and save enough for my family to finally take that trip to the West Coast. In all likelihood, by February I’ll still be an overweight couch potato that spends more than my husband makes.

Maybe I need to lower the bar a bit and make resolutions that are actually achievable. Starting with…

Reality television. This year I’ll limit the number of reality shows that I watch in any given week.  I can’t drop “Survivor” since my kids and I watch it together (nothing like a little family time to enjoy back stabbing and blind siding), but I could give up one of the “Real Housewives” franchises that are so bad they’re good.  Do I stick with New Jersey, home of my birth, or Beverly Hills? The train wreck known as “Dance Moms” begins in January, so perhaps I should ditch the Housewives altogether and direct my reality time to mothers behaving badly.

Then there’s the Internet. I spend way too much time checking Facebook and email, and even more time surfing sites like “Crap at my Parent’s House” and “Awkward Family Photos”. Recently a friend introduced me to “Regretsy”, a site that reposts and comments on real craft items for sale on the popular site “Etsy.  Forget handmade hats and jewelry; Regretsy sheds light on the dark underbelly of crafters complete with uterus-shaped piñatas and necklaces made from “human ivory” (also known as finger and toenail clippings). Since discovering this site I’ve wasted countless hours chortling with glee over the very worst that these artisans have to offer. Probably best to put a block on that site and replace it with time on Linked In looking for more writing gigs. 

Another vice I should curb is overspending at the grocery store. Most responsible adults plan their meals at the beginning of the week and do one major grocery run.  On any given day I may not know until late afternoon what I’ll serve my family for dinner.  This means that I’m a frequent flier at Shaw’s, Stop & Shop and most of all Trader Joes.  The latter is one of the worst places to visit frequently in that there is always something new and wonderful to try and buy. I’ll run in for one or two things only to find myself with a cart full of impulse purchases by the time I reach checkout.  Not good for my wallet or my waistline.  In 2012 I vow to make a list, hit the store once a week and skip the chocolate covered almonds with sea salt and the deep fried mac and cheese puffs.

Each year I tell my husband that my resolution is to be more tolerant and less judgmental and each year I end up just the opposite.  This year I’ll try a different approach: I won’t make that resolution.  If that bothers you then clearly there’s something wrong with you and I have no time for you.

I think I can work with this list.  Of course, if the Mayans are correct, we have only one year left on the planet.  If that’s the case, perhaps I’d be better off cramming in as much reality television, internet junk and gourmet food as possible before December 21, 2012.

Care to join me?

I’ll try not to judge you if you don’t.