Is everyone pumped for Super Bowl Sunday?
All right, I’m sure there may be a lack of enthusiasm for
this year’s match up since our local boys, the New England Patriots, will not
be gracing the field. My husband was extremely disappointed two Sundays ago when
the Patriots were eliminated. I know just how much he was looking forward to
another New England Super Bowl victory, and so on his behalf, I was
disappointed as well.
But I have to admit; a small little part of me was also
relieved.
Everyone knows I’m not a huge football fan, but I was
excited last year when the Patriot’s made the playoffs and advanced to the
Super Bowl. I was thrilled for my husband, knowing just how happy he was to have
his favorite team playing. And I had some crazy idea that the ideal mix of his
favorite team, the right snacks and a boatload of entertaining commercials
would make the event a fun, family activity.
I was wrong. The
evening wasn’t fun; it was agonizing. My husband barely glanced at the snacks I
had carefully chosen, saying he was too nervous to eat. Instead of lounging on
the couch, he perched his body, rigid with tension, on a hard chair and hardly
moved throughout the entire game. The commercials did nothing to distract him
from his agony, and the half-time show was nothing more than a nuisance. My
younger son and I retreated to another room, while my older son loyally stayed
by his father’s side, though he cares even less for football than I do. As my
younger son and I watched a different program upstairs, we could hear every
groan and expletive rising up through the floor as the Patriot’s chances
slipped away. Both my husband and my older son went to bed that night in a foul
mood.
So can you blame me for being relieved that there will be no
repeat of this incident this year?
Although he has no great love for either the Ravens or the
49ers, my husband will probably still tune in to the Super Bowl this year. And though I don’t know a flag from a fumble
(still!) I’ll probably watch with him.
Because there are plenty of good reasons to watch the Super Bowl that
have absolutely nothing to do with football.
And they are, in order of importance:
Snacks: What other
time of year can you eat nachos, ribs, buffalo wings, mozzarella sticks and
potato skins without feeling guilty? The
Super Bowl is a free pass to load up on any and all foods that wouldn’t dare
darken your doorstep the rest of the year.
Is it fried? Bring it on! Is it covered in melted cheese and fake bacon
bits? Pass it here! Is it dipped in milk chocolate and sprinkled
with sea salt and almond brickle? Yes,
please!
Commercials: With CBS
charging up to $4 million for 30 seconds of airtime, you better believe that
the heavy hitters (Coke, Budweiser, Doritos, etc.) will pull out all the stops
in between game coverage. I’m no Carnac
the Magnificent, but I predict that this year’s spots will include a creepy
talking baby, a hot, scantily clad woman eating some type of food in a vaguely
suggestive manner and a group of guys doing something clever/stupid/funny while
drinking beer. Oh, and Clydesdales. Personally, I’d pay $4 million just to see
Flo from Progressive Insurance battle Allstate’s Mayhem to the death. The Geico Gecko could referee.
Halftime Show: What will this year bring? An aging rock star, trying to revive his or
her career? A wardrobe malfunction? A group that relies heavily on auto tune and
can’t sing live to save their lives? No,
it’s Beyoncé, fresh from her much-discussed, lip-synced appearance at the
Inauguration. If she didn’t sing live
for the most powerful man in the world it’s a safe bet she won’t sing live for
millions of football fans. CBS could
save millions of dollars on plane fare and limos and cheese platters by just projecting
a pre-recorded hologram instead. Then
Beyoncé can stay home with her baby, Blue Ivy or Purple Clematis or whatever
she’s called.
The Puppy Bowl: When the game action starts to lose its
luster, switch over to Animal Planet to watch a team of adorable puppies frolic
up and down their own small football field.
The kitty halftime show isn’t bad either; at least their caterwauling is live.
But the best thing about this year’s Super Bowl? Giselle
Bundchen and the other Patriot wives can’t subject fans to any post-game
whining on Twitter, Facebook or anywhere else. Silence truly is golden, isn’t it?
Now pass the snacks.
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