Hippos not as cute and cuddly as they seem

The floodgates have opened and the deluge of Christmas music has begun.  I admit that during the holiday season, I set my car radio to one of the local stations that plays nothing but Christmas music.  And though I enjoy most of the songs they play on the radio, there are a few I could certainly do without.

Who knew there was a Christmas donkey named Dominick?  I find it icky to hear a child sing, “I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus, underneath his beard so long and white.”  The morbidly depressing “Christmas Shoes” makes me want to rip my eardrums out.   These songs do nothing to enhance my Christmas spirit.

And then the other day, I heard a song that gave me pause:  “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”.  Recorded by 10-year-old Gayla Peevey, the holiday favorite shot to number 24 on Billboard’s pop chart in 1953.  The lyrics include, “Don't want a doll, no dinky Tinker toy; I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy.”  The singer is the antithesis of the kid who only wants his two front teeth for Christmas.  This girl wants the third largest land mammal.

I’ve always thought of hippos as lovable, quiet creatures.  The dancing hippos in Disney’s “Fantasia” are clumsy, but adorable.  Hasbro’s popular “Hungry Hungry Hippo” game is a perennial bestseller.  I loved Hanna-Barbera’s “Peter Potamus” series when I was a kid and this generation has their own share of cutesy hippo characters from cartoons like “The Back Yardigans” and the “Madagascar” series.  All in all, you’d get the impression that hippos are sweet, docile creatures, right?

That’s what I believed until a recent party, when one topic of discussion at dinner was the aggressive nature of hippos.  Someone had seen a video of a hippo attacking a family trapped on a small island in a river, and suddenly all the guests were chiming in with stories they’d seen of hippo attacks on television and the Internet.  “I thought they were vegetarians,” I countered, but a quick peek at Wikipedia confirmed that if you get between a hippo and their young, or even deep water, you risk death by an angry, angry hippo, regardless of their herbivore status.  “Imagine being chomped to death by those giant Chiclet teeth!” my friend hooted.  I left the party with my image of the sweet, lumbering, lovable hippo destroyed.

And then two days later, I heard that charming little ditty, “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”.  Ordinarily I would have relegated the song to background noise, but in light of our dinner conversation, I was fascinated.  As I listened to the lyrics, I couldn’t help but picture what the little girl would really think if Santa brought her Africa’s most dangerous animal.  One line says, “Mom says the hippo would eat me up but then… teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian.”  Yeah, Gayla, that’s what I thought until I saw the YouTube video entitled “Hippo Attack on Boat” when a hippo tried to take a bite out of a giant, metal boat.  Or how about the video “Hippo Rams Tour Vehicle” where an angry hippo charges after a jeep. The song continues,   “There's lots of room for him in our two car garage; I'd feed him there and wash him there and give him his massage…” Yes, you’d definitely want to keep him in the garage as opposed to your living room, because I also learned that hippos poop while spinning their tails in a circular pattern, thereby marking their territory more widely.  And if you don’t believe me, check out the YouTube video “Hippo Poo Storm”.  If this little girl really received a hippo for Christmas, the entire living room including the walls, windows, carpet and Christmas tree, would be covered in hippo spoor.

Clearly the song was written in a time before the Internet and Animal Planet and the NatGeo channel.  Perhaps the songwriter was overly enamored with those lively hippos from “Fantasia”.  But believe it or not, little Gayla Peevey got her wish.  According to Wikipedia, “A local promoter picked up on the popularity of the song … and launched a campaign to present her with an actual hippopotamus on Christmas.”  Thankfully, Gayla donated the animal to the city zoo, where it lived for 50 years.

I tend to doubt that vicious animal ever set foot in that little girl’s home.  Then again, the “B” side of “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” is the disturbingly titled song “Are My Ears on Straight?” 

Hmmmmm.