So Many Columns and So Much Support

Sometimes we pass a milestone and don’t even realize it.

For example, when driving, have you ever glanced at the odometer, only to notice that you’re just a few miles past a major mileage turning?  Why is it a kick to notice the exact moment the numbers change from 9,999 to 10,000?  Why are we disappointed when we miss it by an instant? 

Last week I published my 200^th column without realizing it.  Had I known, I would have written a thoughtful, poetic homage to my past columns, perfectly timed to coincide with that milestone.  Instead, I smacked myself on the forehead and uttered a perfect imitation of Homer Simpson’s “Doh!”

I discovered this fact while updating my portfolios.  I enjoy keeping print copies of my work, hoping that future generations might leaf through the pages and get a glimpse of their ancestor’s life.  With a backlog of clippings, I finally got around to organizing my fifth portfolio.  Sliding the last piece of newsprint into the protective sleeve, I picked up my first portfolio and opened it to the front page.  There was my very first column, ruminating on why July 4^th is often considered the mid-point of summer.  Glancing at the article’s date, July 23, 2008, I thought to myself, ‘Holy crow, I’ve been writing this column for almost four years.’  Four years without missing a week.  Four years without (hopefully) repeating a subject.

As regular readers know, math is not my strong suit, but even I could work out four years times 52 weeks equals more than 200 columns.  Using an online calculator, I plugged in the dates of both my first column and my most recent, surprised by the answer: 200.  Doh!  I missed it!

When I told my husband that I’d written 200 columns, his immediate reply was, “That’s enough for a book.” Which provoked my typical response: “Yeah, right!”

It’s one thing to read my ramblings when they’re bundled together with local news sports and the police log.  But plunking down hard earned cash for a collection of my diatribes?  Well, that’s a whole other animal.

His comment prompted me to look back through some of my old columns.  Some were almost embarrassingly bland, while others still make me laugh.  My personal favorites included my take on Christmas letters (pretentious and braggy), designer dogs, my favorite Halloween costume (a pack of cigarettes), Amish bread starter and Spam and bean pie.  I’ve weighed the merits of “Twilight”, “Harry Potter” and “Fifty Shades of Grey”.  I’ve compared and contrasted “Slumdog Millionaire” with “Paul Blart: Mall Cop”.

I spent a good deal of space talking about my children: how “tighty whities” are verboten at middle school; the near miss tornado during last year’s Six Flags band trip; countless Cub Scout, Robotics, Taekwondo and other school activities.  I’ve shared quite a bit about my family, but I’ve always tried to do it with tact and grace.  I’ve lamented the passing of music greats such as Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston, while roasting the likes of the Balloon Boy (remember him?) and the scientists who developed the Artic Apple, which doesn’t turn brown when you cut it.  Heck, I devoted an entire column to pre-sliced cheese.

I guess I must be doing something right, though, because those of you who read my missives are kind enough to call, email and stop me in the grocery store to share your feedback.  The phrase I hear most consistently from readers is, ‘I feel like you’re writing about my life.”

So thank you for reading my first 200 columns.  It’s time to look ahead to the next 200, where I’m sure to cover everything from my child going off to high school to the New Jersey tanning mom to our nation’s obsession with bumper stickers and auto decals. 

Consider this one down, 199 to go.