Oddly, both Abbey and Abby are Dear

In a traditional battle of good versus evil, I find that there are two opposing forces wrestling for my soul. One side, I am drawn toward a force that embodies refinement, quality and culture. The other is the pure essence of darkness, evil and negativity.

I’m talking about “Downton Abbey” versus “Dance Moms”.

It’s hard to wrap my brain around the fact that I can embrace two completely opposite television programs such as these. “Downton Abbey”, winner of multiple Emmy and Golden Globe awards, is broadcast on PBS, the standard for quality programming and the channel that produces shows like “Nova” and “Frontline”.  “Downton Abbey” follows the story of the Earl of Grantham and his family, beginning with a relative’s death aboard the Titanic and continuing through the battlefields of World War I. “Downton Abbey” chronicles the lives and loves of both the Earl’s family as well as the servants who work for them. I find it to be a more rich, sumptuous, engaging version of that old PBS classic, “Upstairs, Downstairs”.

“Dance Moms”, on the other hand, is a reality program that follows the trials and tribulations of a group of young dancers from the Abby Lee Dance Company in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The program airs on the Lifetime network, the channel that also created “Drew Peterson: Untouchable” and “The Craig’s List Killer”.  In “Dance Moms”, a group of girls ranging in age from 6-14 travel each week to a new dance competition while their instructor, Abby Lee Miller screams criticism and treats everyone around in her orbit as verbal punching bags. The “dance moms” sit on the sidelines and complain about how terribly their children are being treated.  And yet, no one makes a move to leave.

It’s appropriate that “Downton Abbey” airs on Sunday night. Between Sunday school, church and youth group, I spend a good portion of my Sundays feeling tranquil and serene. Capping of Sunday night with a well-produced program like Downton Abbey makes me feel clean, refreshed and renewed.

Then Tuesday night comes around, complete with Abby Lee Miller barking at the mothers, the dancers, the competitors and the poor bus driver who takes them to their various competitions. By the end of the show I feel as if I’ve rolled around in a dumpster for an hour. 

“Downton Abbey” boasts a cast of some of Britain’s finest actors including Dame Maggie Smith. “Dance Moms” boasts a cast of some of the craziest mothers I’ve ever seen. In Season 1, a dance mom snuck off to the hotel bar for a couple of glasses of wine, then accidentally burned her daughter with a curling iron mere minutes before she was due to dance. 

“Downton Abbey” is filmed at Highclere Castle, an exquisite country estate located in

Hampshire, England that dates back to the 8^th century.  “Dance Moms” is filmed mostly at Abby Lee Miller’s studio located in beautiful, scenic Pittsburgh. The characters on “Downton Abbey” wear tuxedos and sumptuous evening gowns and dress formally for dinner each night. On “Dance Moms”, the girls are dressed in outrageous dance costumes, twice dubbed by their own mothers as looking like “prosti-tots”. 

It’s “Abby” versus “Abbey” competing for my soul. How is it possible to equally love two programs that are such polar opposites of each other? Do I need an intervention? Where can I turn for advice? Should I write to “Dear Abby”?  Meditate at Westminster Abbey? Listen to the Beatle’s “Abbey Road”? 

Perhaps the answer lies in simply shutting off the television altogether and turning to a good book instead. After all, reading is much better for the mind than television.

Yes, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll improve my mind with a book.

So what’ll it be?  Jane Austen? Or Danielle Steele?  Hmm.